Sunday, December 19, 2010

Trusting Because of Who He is

As all of you know, I've been planning on going to Haiti. This has been in the works for the last four months or so. A couple weeks ago, I got an urgent phone call from the team leader expressing how much he thought it not a good idea to go. The reports coming in have gotten worse and worse since we decided to do this trip. The report written by the Dept of State is enough to make your skin crawl. He sought counsel and lost sleep over thinking and seeking God before contacting me (the team leader of the girls). I listened with an open mind to all of his concerns and prayed about it HARD and earnestly. To be honest, when I hung up from him, I felt like I couldn't breathe....

That's the only way I can explain it.

My whole team felt that way. Over the next five days text messages and phone calls were flying back and forth... I answered the phone once to a girl who was just crying on the other end. The only word she uttered over the call was "Why?"
The word haunted us all. This change of direction caused us to feel very confused, hurt... and lost. We had put so much thought, prayer, emotion and preperation into this for MONTHS and to have it ripped away left us heart broken.

Doubt now took the home of certainty. Confusion infested us all as questions flooded our minds "Why would God lead us this far?" "What was the purpose of all of this?" "If that wasn't God's leading, then I dont know what is."
After days of prayer, break-down-weeping moments and pillow fights with God, He instilled a peace in us all.

Why we aren't going is due to extreme safety issues. Kidnapping, rape, murder and sickness statistics would appall you. 3 out of 5 cars going from the airport to the destination are robbed at gun point. You hand food out to a child and you need to stay there with him while he/she eats it to prevent an adult coming over and strangling to get the food. One week after we made this decision, Haiti closed it's airport, preventing people to leave or enter the country. It was to that extreme a of point. We all felt it as confirmation.

Why God led us so far just to take it away, we will never know. Or maybe He will reveal it in time. I don't know. The thing we all DO know however is that we have to trust God and leave all the reasons and questions in His hands. He is sovereign in everything!

We began pointing out what good came of all of this and it was enough to say "it was worth it". We have all grown extremely close as friends because of the emails, texts and conference calls we spent together both in discussion and in prayer. Also, our walks with God have grown leaps and bounds. I can honestly say that I am no longer where I was when we started this venture, and it's only gotten better. Everyone feels the same. We've also been able to experience extreme trust in the Lord as those negative questions came into play.... Trusting he knows more than us and sees the whole picture, not the little corner we seem so fixated on. Talk about tunnel vision!! :)

So. I wanted to tell you all because you've all been so supportive. I look forward to what the Lord holds in not only my future or my team's future, but yours too. We don't know how He's going to paint the rest of our pictures! But It's going to be breath-takingly beautiful.

Love you all.

Hannah L.